Ok time for a little bitch session ‘cause I am just kind of annoyed. Maybe it’s just my mood as I am a tad grumpy because some idiot at the grocery store like half lopped off my leg with their shopping cart… I swear sometimes I feel like a hunting target or as if people just seem to enjoy smashing into me with things.

Anyways, Twitter… ok I really like Twitter. I like hanging on it and being able to just let out a few words about my day and move on. It’s cool to say hi to my fellow twitter friends and engage in some of the conversations and such. I get most of my news and gossip from Twitter these days as well, so it has become a pretty integral part of my world. For the most part, I really respect and enjoy reading about my fellow friends and followers.

So today on Twitter I acquired like 10 new followers… great, right? No… not so great. The new “followers” were complete spam with different names and photos of half naked chicks which included one published tweet that all had the same text and included a link to the same gay ass 6 figure crap website.

Whenever I get a new follower I usually like to check them out… see if they are interesting and if I should follow back, so imagine my surprise when I check out –ragnarlevin0- who is like half naked with cookies covering her breast… yeah.. ok, WTF? Then, the next follower is a chick with just her ass showing… then the next chick, etc. I have seen spammers before on Twitter and honestly I don’t think they really last all that long. If you spam on twitter no one is going to follow you which really just completely goes against the purpose of marketing on twitter- period… so usually they get filtered out pretty quick.

But what totally shocked me was to see that these “girls” each with the same single spammy post and same link in the post actually HAD followers?? Who is retarded enough to click “follow”?? Number one… you KNOW that those chicks are NOT really… real!! Probably big fat Bob Jerkoff that is like 62 and bald put up those pics of the girls to try and get people to click on them and visit his link!! I realize that these tactics work to a degree and I figured it was just a matter of time before they hit Twitter and other social networking sites, but it’s just annoying.

I also completely realize this is not the first time putting a picture of a sexy chick will get you noticed… I mean if you use Twitter I am sure you have seen that Sexy SEO girl… the one in the bikini top that seems to talk to loads of people about I don’t know what SEO related and hasn’t updated her blog in like forever??? She seems pretty popular for umm someone with ummm SEO experience?? Anyways, I realize that sex sells… but seriously, are people just that lame and retarded to actually fall for such tactics… especially on Twitter??? Come on people get a freggin’ clue!

Ok, so it’s a given, both will be coming soon, it’s like waiting for a huge meteor shower, honestly. Wordpress will never learn, their developers are real cool people, I’m friends with a few, seriously I am, honestly, come on! I am! Haha, Not! Point is, they’re normal people, bound to fuck shit up, sure WP Developers are more prone to messing stuff up but WHY RUSH IT?!

You know you’re going to fuck up right? Why rush it and fuck up even more? Do you have ANY IDEA how many security issues were found in 2.6? Why then was 2.61 released quickly and pretty much unannounced? I mean go search for 2.6 exploits and vulnerabilities, there’s a dozen that can pretty much render you bent over in an awkward position. See? I keep telling you people TypePad is the way, you wont listen.

Anyway, so I search for Wordpress 2.7 info, and all I see is Great new features! Wow can’t ait for 2.7, blah blah . Come on, let’s be realistic. If they don’t push up their release date I can guarantee that there will be bugs, lots, not normal beta bugs, but BUGS. The big banana slug worm bugs you know? Popping eyes and all.

A desktop comment API?? New Keyboard Shortcuts? A Theme update Api? Some sitemap crap? lol, wtf kind of half ass upgrade is this? 1day worth of coding right there for fucks sake. No further comment.

Let’s get something straight, wordpress is no swiss knife, it’s more like a Chinese made pen knife, when you flick it open it shoots out malfunctioning and stabbing you in the eye, sure it may work ok after that but it’s only a matter of time before it gets your other eye.

Wordpress 2.7 and Wordpress 2.71 will lack stability, and to prove this, I’ll be the first to blog about a 2.7 exploit i KNOW the developers wont patch up, promise! When I do, 2.71 will come out, in which you’ll find other bugs, only to be followed by, yes, you know it, wordpress 2.8 LMAO! Oh man. I feel sorry for you WP lovers,…Ok, i had to lift myself off the floor just then. Laughing so hard I slipped out of my seat. wooosh.

I’ll let you all in on a little secret, you want to use the bug free, super cool lightening fast version of wordpress not released yet?? Ok, i’ll share it with you, but hey, don’t expect me to be this nice every time. Here is Wordpress 2.12.1 . ha..ha…I kill myself sometimes.

Seriously, sometimes I see something online that makes me slowly stand, exit the room i’m in, and scream at the top of my lungs in frustration before walking back into the room calmly, sliding back into my seat and surfing away until it happens again. It’s annoying. Some designers just do not get it.

First is first, the ‘Skip Content” link. Why, why, why!? See I understand users these days are more a pain in the ass than before, they all have some sort of unheard of disability, like they can’t read font at 12psls or 14pxls even, they want everything on a white BG else they go blind, then expect less links on the main page and easier to follow menu’s not only that but you have to title crap so they get it, “click here to contact us’ is not enough these days, you have to be like;

‘click the little contact us button to go to a form, in which you’ll find fields, that you have to fill out, and send, if you want to contact us. We’ll get this message and we’ll reply as soon as we can…if you can’t figure that out then please, open your Yahoo Email or MSN one or whatever email service you use, and email us at fuckinghell@something.com. If that is too much of an effort then please, feel free to call us and complain about how messy and poor the sites functionality is, the number to reach us at is 000 000000000 and finally, if you have problems dialing that number, then hey, it’s ok, we’re not the service for you, sorry for wasting your time! Have a great day. To exit the page click on back, or the little x in the top right hand corner. Oh, if that does not work, see the cable, the power cable in the back of you PC? pull it. No luck? There’s a power box to your house, shut it down and power it back up, that should turn off your pc. Seriously if that does not work your best bet is to cut off all power to the neighborhood, then turn it back on, how you do this is simple, climb up that huge power electric tower, yeah? now hurl yourself at the live electric cables, with any luck you would have saved yourself the heartache of going on in life with that high an IQ.”

I mean, shit. Depressing, I give up. I need a beer. BRB.

Back. Ok, let’s go on a little.

What about the glossy surfaces you see everywhere, it’s like sticking a mirror at the side of your monitor and staring at another from a dif angle and trying to figure out what the hell is up. Its not only logos and banners now, no, every title has a glossy shinny surface effect, and cells too, the navigation of some sites look like they have sub categories when in truth it’s one with some whack job reflection. NO. Stop. End your designing days if this is something you do.

Do not stick slogans in your header, please. You don’t need one, you’re not Nokia, or Nike. Seriously, you do not want one.  some are so sticky sweet it induces nausea…i’m aware we use one but the pun is just too cheesy to pass by no? Really, i don’t have a real problem with sites using slogans but for the most part they rick sounding corny rather than candid.

Those damn valid css/xhtml badges, lose them, if you have any self respect, you will. Unless you’re a webmaster or a BH that knows how to use them to your advantage, lose them, no one clicks them. You want to impress someone? Stick a ‘Works with IE6″ badge there if you have the balls, that would impress me. See you wont find many like that because it’s harder to pull that off than crap w3c validation…

Flash navigation will get you killed. Period. Do not use flash for your lovely nav menus, that is stupid, what can i say.

I guess I could go on and on, but I wont, else I may lose what bit of sanity I have left. Guys, designing a site is not rocket science, it’s mostly common sense, something I know most of you lack a lot of, but come on! You saw what happened to the mice that followed that piper dude? Right off the cliff. Be creative, think for yourself, come up with your own design techniques, stop following trends. Damn. Have I mentioned how much I love TypePad the hot Blogging Software recently? Yeah, probably. meh.

There’s a list of rules I go by when it comes to dating girls, a whole long list I go through mentally before a date and while on a date, whenever a girl does something that goes against any of them, red flags shoot off and I excuse myself from the dinner table, head to the bathroom only to crawl out of it’s window down to the back alley and run back home…it’s that bad. So yes, some of the things are not to date needy girls, or insecure ones, it’s just me, but the full list is more detailed, and I’m pretty sure I can’t fit it into one post, I may need 2, or 3! So this is pretty much part 1 of the rules I go by when it comes to dating a girl.
(note; there are counter-rules that override some of these rules, but the girl has to be something pretty special) Rules below are in no particular order.

Rule #1, I call this the ‘game opener” , if a girl giggles loud, or screams when we first meet (before our date) then there’s no way i’ll date her. Sure I like crazy outgoing girls but seriously, who wants a giggling screaming girlfriend who greets people with AHHHHH OMG heheheheh?? A hug means a lot more, shake of the hand even, the way girls shake hands, which takes me to rule#2.

Rule #2, she can’t act like a dude. Ok so it’s cute to punch your guy from time to time, but the whole shaking hands like a man deal, that’s not hot. The walk, she can’t intimidate me by the way she walks, because seriously, god gave women no balls for a reason, so they could walk a certain way you know? The whole scratching deal, grabbing her left breast to fix her bras in public, that shit is nasty…just wrong.

Rule #3, she can’t nag and ask me to do the same thing more than 3 times in the same day. That’s a fucking turn off. Oh god, I have broken up with amazingly beautiful girls just for that, why nag? If i’m going to do something I will do it the first time you ask, otherwise i’m either not in the mood or don’t want to do it. I’m an understanding guy so if it’s easy enough to do i’ll do it right away.

Rule #4, needy is the devil. That’s what I think at least. It’s nice for a girl to want to feel that she can depend on her guy, that he’ll be there, but being ‘needy’ that’s lame. When it gets to constant calls, texting…don’t get me wrong, it’s really nice for a girl to show she’s happy to be with me, girls can be labeled as ‘lech’ and ‘pervy’ too you know! So a girl that over does it in my books, is blah…hate it but that’s the way it is!

Rule #5, girls that are insecure sort of annoy me. This rule is not as critical as some others, but it bothers me that’s for sure. Specially when I date older women, they make the mistake of bringing to light the age gap, or joking about how young I am compared to them and such,. Sure older women are usually more practical, but showing their romantic flirty side s always a plus, the insecurity though makes them hold off or in some cases, shit. They go about it all wrong and stuff. Yeah, she has to know I’m dating her because I like her for who she is, and think she’s the best girl I have met, otherwise I would be dating someone else right?

Rule #6, she has to know how to hold a conversation, and can’t just talk the same thing over and over. Some girls love football, that’s great, but if that’s all she’s going to talk about then I might as well date Bob, that guy at the bar that only talks about football, know what I mean? Being well educated, smart, able to talk about anything is always a plus. Listening though is as big a rule as being able to hold a convo. She can’t go on about herself and how her day went and so on. Asking how my day went never hurt anyone? Listening to me for a bit is ok. Trust me, I don’t ramble unless I like you a lot, if I don’t have that connection with you, I probably will talk only when spoken to or asked to give my opinion.

Rule #7, SMELL GOOD or be gone. No further comment.

Rule #8, the girl has to have teeth I can at least look at. I’m sorry, I don’t care how cute she is, how hot, how smart, how anything, if I can’t look at her teeth for more than 15seconds without gagging, it’s a no go.

Rule #9, bringing up ex boyfriends, can be super lame. Sure I don’t mind when it’s casually brought up, but slapping an ex in a convo here and there, this one did this, this one was like so and so this one could do handstands while wanking off to the american flag, that is shit I don’t care about, and really a girl that brings up EX’s that much, gives off the wrong signals. It only tells me one thing about her….heh, i’ll keep what that is to myself, but it’s not good.

Rule #10, DO NOT talk about what goes on in the bathroom. I don’t want to know if it took you 4 tries to flush your junk down the toilet, I don’t want to know about floaters or sinkers; I don’t want to get asked weird questions. Dates do not do that, girlfriends don’t do that, if I marry you, then we’ll discuss this rule again, but sure as heck I don’t plan to make it a morning ritual or anything.

Rule #11, eat…with…your…mouth….fucking….shut, and don’t talk with a mouth full of crap that sends shit flying all over the place. Girls have to brush their teeth a lot, and if that’s not possible then at least wash their mouth after they have eaten before they kiss me or bring their lips any where near me. Being clean is not wrong, it’s ok to smell good and be nastiness free. Soap is good for you. You’d think guys were annoying like that, sheesh.

Rule #12, I wont ever date out right ‘bad’ flirts. A girl that flirts with every guy within a 2 mile radius can’t last in a healthy relationship, girls that flirt online don’t do it for me either to be perfectly honest. It’s about having standards, you can’t really want to date a guy till you have at least met a few times right? So how on earth do you ‘go on a date’ with someone you meet on the net? That makes no sense.

Rule #13, the second a girl mentions facebook, myspace, or any other social network on our first, second or third date, is a no go. No matter how amazing she is, it doesn’t even matter if we’ve had sex by then and it was amazing either. I don’t want to hear about who added you, who said what on your profile and how you pimped out you bg wallpaper on our first few dates…seriously wtf.

Rule #14, talking work is really cool, it gives us something to talk about sometimes, sure not on the first date but it’s fine, if a girl is over 24 does not work or support herself…then I don’t know. it gets tricky. I started working when I was barely 17 and could support myself well by my second year in University. I like people with at least a drive, lazy people don’t do it for me at all.

Ok, I’ll go on and on in the next 2 parts about the rest of the rules, this was general stuff that popped up into my head. Oh and just to add something here, any chick that uses TypePad is in my books date worthy at the very least.

Alright you noobs. Stop creating crap sites that look crap in every other crap browser and under different crap screen resolutions. I’m sick to my stomach of webmaster that a- can’t code to standards and b- don’t take browser compatibility into consideration or even user screen resolutions. Sure you probably don’t know the difference between static layout ad fluid ones, and you probably have a 1000×500pxl image as your header which will pretty much fuck any resolution under that.

You’re also probably too lazy to figure out how to make your site compatible like that, so i’ll give you an easy way out, now listen carefully. Simply Create 3 versions of your site (this means create one version then alter image size/widths and so on. Should not take you a couple hours to cook up each one after you have completed the main template. You want one for 1024×768, then one for anything less, and one for anything greater. Here’s the code that helps you do that, stick it in the head of your main 1024×768 site that all users will land on. From there, it will detect their screen resolution and redirect them to the site that fits best for them;

<script language=”JavaScript” type=”text/javascript”><!– // –><![CDATA[
if ((screen.width>=1024) && (screen.height>=768))
{
window.location=”higher1024.html”;
}
else
{
window.location=”below1024.html”;
}
//–>
</SCRIPT>

There you go. Now the IE6/IE7/FF and so on browser issues can easily be resolved with a little css
You simply create dif css stylesheets for each browser /* CSS Document - ie6/ie7 fixes */ and so on, then call them up in your source code. It’s really that easy, sure this is not by any means the proper way to go about it all, but it’s a hack job of a fix for the retards out there.

I use a couple of different widgets on my blogs and desktop so I thought I would share with you some of the cool ones I really like.

Pandora Radio
Pandora is pretty cool and easy. You just plug in the name of a song or an artist into Pandora’s Music Genome and it scans it’s database of music and plays what’s available. So far they seem to have a pretty wide range and large portfolio of music. With each song and preference it analyzes your music taste and adds new songs from another artist to compliment your station. You can also create as many “stations” as you want and grab the widget to display on your site. Best of all… no commercials.

Tunefeed
You can upload music & share with friends, free & 100% legal. It can be a tad slow sometimes however.

The Six Degrees concept is based of the fact that any one is connected to any other person through six or fewer relationships, because it’s a small world. Through the six degrees widget you can support your favorite charities by donating or creating fund raising badges and encourage others to donate to your favorite cause.

Meebo
With meebo.com you can keep in touch with friends on any IM network (AIM, Yahoo!, MSN, Google Talk and Gmail, ICQ and Jabber) and chat with people in Meebo Rooms. Meebo is the Web’s live communication platform - instant messaging from absolutely anywhere, no downloads or installs required, and free!
The Meebo Me widget lets you chat with anyone who comes to your blog or web page. Visitors show up in your Meebo buddylist so you can manage a conversation, answer questions, or just keep track of your guests. You can choose when you are online by just clicking a button so visitors know when you’re available.

Odeo
Odeo houses millions of audio & video episodes from thousands of podcasts and media sites across the web– from automotive to technology, comedy to cooking, education to entertainment. You just subscribe to channels and are alerted when new episodes are published. With the widget you can share your picks with friends or set it on your desktop to make it easier to listen to your favorite shows.

Feedjit’
Feedjit’ is a live traffic feed that shows statistics on your website in real-time. You can choose the widget to add to your site or blog and have it display which city and country your visitors are in, which website they arrived from, if any, which page they visited on your website and which external link they clicked to leave your site.

3jam
3jam’s widget lets your web visitors or friends send you a mobile text message without revealing your phone number. Messages are delivered to anyone with a mobile phone, unlike IM. You can also reply to the original text message and send and receive text messages for free when you’re online. Super simple and very cool.

Hellodeo
This is a super easy way to record a video for you website or blog; Just record the video, grab the code and add it on your website!

So, it’s a Monday. Usually Mondays are totally busy for me, filled with leftover emails from Friday and a flood of calls with everyone trying to be over ambitious about starting the week off right. Mostly I spend about 3 hours just trying to sift though all the stuff and prioritizing, but today I was in a different mode and decided to just do what I wanted to. I woke up in an outstanding mood and wanted to have some fun… so I did

Sometimes we take such little things that make us happy and productive for granted. Even though I tell myself to live for today… sometimes today comes and goes and what was accomplished was not really anything of importance nor did it even bring a smile to my face. Sometimes just doing what you are doing day in and day out gets to be such a routine, that you forget to really step away and take a break or enjoy yourself even if it’s just for the morning or day. All work and no play definitely make for a boring life.

Sometimes it can be those things that deter you from being productive at the moment but bring a smile to your face, are the things that can encourage you in the future to be a more productive and happy worker. Even super simple things like sleeping in that extra 30 minutes so you wake more refreshed and ready to go, or having lunch outside away from your desk and all the noise that goes with it, or just sitting and talking to a friend. It’s like just clearing your mind for a short while and then being able to see what is really important. So, to all those people and all those little moments in life that make me smile, thank you. You make my world a more productive one and a more enjoyable one. Now, go take some time for yourself and enjoy!

So you’re an affiliate making little to no money?? Why is that? What are you doing wrong? Well you obviously suck and honestly it’s healthy to hear that from time to time. You don’t know it all and as long as you think you do, you wont make money. Heck you’re reading this post, you must be finding it hard to earn off affiliates. Ok so what gives? I’ll fill you in.

It’s usually one of two things, either you’re doing it all wrong or your site is a pos (Pile of shit - for those that don’t know what pos is, yes I had to make sure you knew) that gets too little traffic to earn you anything. I have to break it to you I’m sorry, but it’s most usually the later of the two. Anyway, in case you get enough targeted traffic, say anywhere over 500 ‘targeted users’ so unless all your traffic is targeted you need to be landing at least 4K + uniques a day to have some convert. People shove all their affiliate banners and links on their sites main page, wee it makes sense to them because it’s their ‘main page’ but in truth it’s not the best spot at all. People are more prone to clicking away from your site if they don’t find anything that interests them on your front page, here’s the thing though, banners and affiliate links are NOT what’s going to keep them on your page.

You should have something strong enough to get them to click JUST once. That done they land on another page, now they ‘expect’ to find what they want, it’s natural, if on your front page you have a link they click it means they WILL be willing to click again. So on that page make sure to place your affiliate ‘within’ the content, make it look as part of the content, talk about that product as if it were your own. This way they are more likely to click…trust me it makes sense to me, may not to you but you’re dum dum.

Now something people don’t think up for some reason, but it’s ok if you change the affiliate banners! All you need is the link and not to make a ‘misleading’ banner, if you’re going to put a price on it a a selling point make sure it’s the best price around otherwise don’t note the price, just add some really interesting points and make it seem more personal, if you have loyal readers on your blog for example, adding a personal message that they will automatically go, oh, I can relate to that or I read that on here before or something, anything, they will click, clicking on the product is the first step, it’s your job to create as many clicks and home the rate of conversion is high.

So as an example, I decided to do a couple banners for typepad. See? They look nice and are a little more related to the site, more personal and it’s a ton more appealing to our readers, geeky hot guys and chicks! Now you cheap bastards click it and use typepad, that’s what pro bloggers use OK!? Don’t be a lame ass CLICK IT GO USE TYPEPAD! TYPEPAD IS GOOD!! <—see that last part, made you laugh probably but it’s an example of what NOT to do, I can get away with it because I’m just that good, you on the other hand, can’t.

So, going back to the differences in rules between men and women in our society; we all know they exist whether we like them or not. Men and women are just expected to act differently, work differently, and respond to things differently. –Obviously asking something different from boys than girls stems from what it acceptable and what’s not in our society. (Even though, really whoever thought it was acceptable to lick or kiss a slug was just “wrong” on so many levels there.)

It’s not really about equality here it’s more about what society’s expectations are and what’s acceptable for boys versus girls. Society places more emphasizes on men to be strong, bold, and courageous. Women are expected to be more nurturing, patient, and supportive. For the most part, I agree with this description. But trying to figure out the different expectations between men and women in society, in business and life can sometimes be very challenging.

Society often thrives on these differences between men and women, actually relies on them. Just take the media for example. The way they portray women and men really has a huge influence on how we view ourselves. In business, marketing geared towards one gender versus another is still really prevalent in our society today. It has gotten less stereotypical; however I don’t really see this changing much, as in general I feel women will always have expectations different from men.

For the most part Johnny and I have tons of things in common but our likes and expectations for our interests are very different. Just take his love for Typepad compared to my love for Wordpress. Even though they allow the outcome to be the same they are very different. For the most part I look at the exterior, the superficial, and the ease. Johnny seems to dig deep down into the system itself and tear it apart to find out how it ticks and understand its framework.

In general these types of differences and expectation between men and women apply to tons of things in the real world, not just blogging platforms. Just take shoe shopping for example. I would spend an hour trying to find the cutest pair of boots that look and feel just right, while most men would probably spend all of ten minutes trying shoes with a sturdy framework. (maybe not Johnny.. but that’s ok.. he is special)

Men and women definitely find themselves trying to live up to societies expectations all the time, knowingly or not. One way I feel that we often unknowingly follow along with this is by placing certain expectations and or ‘rules’ on ourselves. Rules are ok, and for the most part they are there for a reason to protect us from ourselves and remind us what has worked or failed in the past. By placing certain rules on ourselves we often times feel safe and prepared. But are we really? Are these rules more like expectations that we create to protect and guide us, or are we sometimes just conforming to what society views as acceptable and what others expect of us?

So thrilled that Johnny likes to torture me with visuals of icky things!! But yes, snails and slugs without shells are really creepy. Truly, are there some people that actually like them? Perhaps cooked with wine and butter maybe?? Anyways, so perhaps I will explain a tad here.

When I was like 10 or something I went on a class camping trip. We participated in nature walks, camp songs, survival skills and the likes. Anyways, one of the teachers decided to teach us about food survival and show us what we could eat and not eat if we were ever stranded in the forest without supplies.

One of the things he showed us was a banana slug. Ever seen a banana slug?? Ok… it’s like 2 of the grossest things in the world combined (mushy bananas and snails). Its huge number one, its yellow, squishy, and slimy… and has no shell! Blah! So.. I suppose if you were dying of hunger and cooked the little sucker it would be ok. But for some reason the teacher (perverse little man) thought it would be funny to see us lick and kiss the slug… oh yeah. Thinking back at this… wow… surprised he wasn’t fired.

So, the boys had to lick the banana slug to pass the challenge and the girls got to kiss it. Why different rules for boys and girls… suppose that is just how our society works, right? And, yes… it was the same slug that everyone had to touch. Eeewww. So, there was little boy I really liked that was there. He dared me to lick the banana slug instead of kiss it. I was really not a fan of slugs to begin with and something about this particular slug really freaked me out, but people do silly things for love sometimes.

I approached the slug when full intentions of just barely touching it with my tongue when all of a sudden it decided to say hi to me. Ok, seriously you know how snail eyes can kind of like go in and out. Well, both eyes just popped up starring at me and wiggled around, ahh.. the visual again is totally freaking me to bits right now. So, needless to say I did not lick it, kiss it, or come near another slug again. So fear born instantly there, thanks teach and rule #47 developed (yip… just 10 and already on rule #47) Never tease me with a slug- ever.